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Work was slow. Covid anxiety was real. A lack of childcare and familial support was exhausting. Our unexpected cross country move was stressful as hell. It was tough. I was trying so hard and seeing little return and I burnt myself out in the process. By the time the holidays rolled around, I was mentally and emotionally spent. This year, I’ve finally started to see my hustle and persistence to push forward pay off. Work has picked up. Vaccinations and declining numbers have eased our isolation and anxieties. My husband and I found a groove for full-time parenting and working. We’re settled into our new home and are so grateful for it. Yet, here I am again – feeling that burnout creeping up.
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This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember. I think it came with the territory as an actor. You see, as an actor you actually spend much of your career “jobless” whilst auditioning. These periods would leave me in a constant state of panic that I would never book another job again. Fortunately for me, I did. If you persevere and stick with it, you always do. That’s the name of the game, really. The long hours, early starts and all the other challenges that come with the job are nothing compared to the mental toll taken from the perseverance required to achieve success in that field.
Then, when I booked a new acting job, I’d have a brief high of relief. I did it! Another paycheck is coming! Another credit is added to my resume! I’m still here! But, it was always short lived. Very soon to be followed by …okay great, but what do I have lined up next? This job only shoots for X amount of time and then what? Back to auditioning. Back to being jobless. What if this is the last job I ever book? How long do I have left before I’m back at square one? I can’t tell you how many times I looked into going back to school or applying for minimum wage jobs in between acting gigs, because I feared I wasn’t qualified for anything else. The older I got, the scarier that reality became and with a family to support, I couldn’t manage the pressure that thought process burdened me with.
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